Wanna end a relationship? Say, “NO”…

People, who are falling out of love, often ask us how to go about a relationship break up without all the drama.  Well, the answer is pretty simple, say no! In other words, be honest about your intentions in every day life, until your muster up enough courage to tell the truth about what you are feeling to a loved one that you need to get away from. People often have trouble breaking up because they cannot say no.  People often feel guilty about saying no, within a relationship, because they are afraid of confrontation.  People often say yes, because they believe that it will avoid conflict or an argument.  Unfortunately, none of this is true.  Conflict usually arises from a misunderstanding.  Misunderstandings can be avoided if the truth is known and that truth is usually based on the fact that someone said, “no”. 

Hear us out.  If you were to say, “NO” to and mean it every time your partner asked for something, then obviously the relationship would not have gone as far as it probably has.  If that is the case, then breaking up should be a breeze since your partner knows you are not all that into whatever he or she is in to, right? Saying no to a date, to a party or to a romantic get away, will surely lead to a break up that is based on the fact that you want out.  Most people get into trouble because they insist on trying to be the nice person, cuz they ultimately believe that saying no is rude. What is rude is saying yes, but meaning no.

The art of saying “no” relies heavily on knowing one’s true feelings. If in your heart you know that you are not going to marry or stay with someone forever, then start saying no.  It’s the truth isn’t it?  You may want to go to a party or trip with someone cuz there is no other alternative.  If this is the case then start saying no.  The truth is that you want to go to a romantic get away, but not with that person.  Sure, telling someone that they do not tickle your fancy is rude, but saying “no” to a date is not rude.  It’s honest and usually gets you out of a situation that can quickly become misleading.

If in doubt say no.  How many times have you heard that advice?  Thousands of times, yet you still want to say yes to someone that you don’t really love.  Why?  In the long run, you need to be truthful.  If you are confused, then say “no”, just to be safe.  If your lonely, then you must say no.  Nobody wants to be a second choice or a consolation prize.  We all want to be loved, but not tricked into thinking that we are loved.  Start saying no and setting yourself free.  Trust us, it gets easier with practice.  Let your boyfriend or girlfriend know that you mean “NO” despite the fact that you’re saying “YES”…

“20 Ways To Say No…”

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Love is a bitter pill…

They were some high times - literally and figuratively.  You met at a party, and free drinks always lead to something good, something dangerous, or sexy .  In this case, it was great.  You were loose enough to open up and quickly realized there was a powerful connection.  But here you are, months maybe years later, and this person you love is still partying but your not.  Before you groan, I promise you that this isn’t an article about addiction.

It’s about connection, and what to do when there isn’t one.  The point of the lead-in here is that as people change and evolve, so must relationships.  Maybe a few years ago, going overboard didn’t come with great consequences and now, it may.  Maybe when you met, you looked at life differently than you do now; you’ve changed but the relationship is the same.  It could be that the relationship changed and you are the same.  In any case, you must orient yourself to where the problem lies.

If you’re considering ending a relationship because you feel disconnected from the person you wake up next to. It may help to consider why.  It may be the path they’ve chosen in their career; maybe it’s their overall priorities, the place they want to live or that their friends are more important than anything else - ANYTHING else…  Only you know.  But I’ll tell you this: if you don’t feel connected, it’s not their habits, the fact that they don’t help around the house, or that they’re not romantic anymore. 

Maybe they’re not interested in sex.  All those things are symptoms.  And when we get hung up on symptoms, we fight.  And we lose.  All of us.  You, your significant other, and - if i happen to be your next door neighbor - me.  So forget about the symptoms.  Look at the illness, and - if you’re sure the disconnect is permanent, you know the only cure.  And the only thing you both need to drink is your medicine.

“We have had our share of troubles, even before marriage. We also both come from dysfunctional backgrounds, mine more so than his, I would say…”

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You Gotta Fight to Be Free

What’s wrong with being comfortable?  What’s wrong with feeling safe?  Nothing…as long as that feeling comes from a healthy relationship where the feelings are mutual.  Sometimes, the hardest relationship to break up from is not the stifling one…it’s the relationship that FEELS safe and secure simply because it’s comfortable.  If you’re struggling with a relationship but can’t figure out why, examine one word: FREEDOM. 

Are you free?  Not from obligation or commitment, but are you free to live the way you want. Are you free to follow your heart?  Are you free to quit the wrong job to pursue the right one?  Are you free to spend time with family, friends, those around you who make you feel good and balanced?  If the answer is a reluctant “No,” you might not be as safe as you thought.  Manipulation isn’t always the result of an evil person trying to control us; we can also lend ourselves to manipulation, or even hand control of our lives over to another person, forcing them, in fact, to make decisions for us.  In some cases, an unbalanced relationship of this kind can regain its equilibrium once the “weaker” party has staked a claim.  In other cases, it’s time to move on.  So take a look at that word.  Make sure it applies to you and your partner.  And if it doesn’t, stake a claim.  As soon as possible.

The toughest step, to paraphrase Al Gore, is facing an “inconvenient truth.” But in order to be free, you have to be willing to free yourself! Talk to your partner.  Talk about the decisions you intend to make for yourself.  If these decisions urge your partner to leave or cause them to feel they cannot continue this relationship, then a break up may be inevitable. YOU should not be in this relationship.  Be strong.  Set yourself free, because no one else will.  In fact, no one else CAN.

“Pink’s announced task is to determine what states of mind we need if we are to be free to act otherwise than as we actually do…”

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Break up or stay together? The answer is, yes…

Most breakups occur once they are initiated whether couples want to stay together or not.  The trick is to know your situation despite what you intend to do.  This break up momentum is mostly due to a loss of trust.  That loss is difficult to overcome, but not impossible.  How do you know if you can overcome such a loss?  Well, the answer is a bit complex.  First you have to know whether or not you love your partner enough.  Then you have to asses whether your partner loves you enough.  That is the hard part of course, since it requires trust to believe someone in the first place. 

That trust complexity is not the only stumbling block.  You must also, learn to appreciate your partner in ways you never did before.  To do all this you have to start at the beginning, when you didn’t know a thing about your partner.  This will help re-map the brain’s memory of love.  The love map is important because it defines how much you love a person.  I know, this is not an exact science and you must practice a lot before getting all this mapping stuff down.  Nevertheless, if your relationship is worth anything you should look into the love map.  If you are breaking up for sure, then read on because the love map can help you in other ways. Salvaging the relationship is not the only reason to look at your love map.  You may both discover that there is no interest in saving your relationship, saving both of you the heart ache and guilt of being the “bad guy”.

The article below provides straightforward tools that will help you discover how the love for your partner is mapped.  These tools will also help you decipher whether or not you know your partner well enough to determine if a break up is inevitable.  That, by the way, is the key to any break up.  Most of us are not entirely sure we know someone.  Our instincts are always more keen than our intellect in these matters.  If your instinct tells you that there are aspects of your partner that you do not know, then for Pete’s sake find out what they are.

We often advise people to initate inevitable break ups as soon as possible to circumvent abusive treatment.  People become abusive because they lost trust or because they feel guilty. The thing people may not understand is that this abuse is heightened by one’s inability to determine whether a break up is necessary.  One gets anxious and starts to sabotage the relationship so that is seems out of control.  People at this point hope that destiny takes over and that decisions are made by amount of pain one can take.  All this abuse is unnecessary if one accesses the brain’s map to see how much love is there.  Only at that point can you determine what to do. 

Remember there are two choices.  The first is leaving.  If you know that there is too much to overcome in terms of your love map, then leave.  If you know that you can enhance your love map to better appreciate your partner, then consider staying.  Always keep in mind that you need to find out if your partner is willing to perform love map exercises with you.  Without your partner’s cooperation all this is pointless.  The article bellow explains the love map theory.

What BreakUpService has to say:

know your partner well.  This takes time and energy.  If you are in a break up situation, then go all out.  What do you have to lose after all?  Argue, plead, talk, cry or laugh, do whatever it takes to know everything about your partner first.  If your partner engages and does likewise, then both of you will know whether you belong together or not.  If your mind is made up and you want to break up, then perform this exercise anyway.  Help your partner get over the fact that you want to break up, by showing him/her what you’re all about.  This practice will help you with your future relationships, since all successful romances require full disclosure.  Why not practice on a relationship in which you have little to lose.  It will help you and your partner despite the outcome…

“…in one study Gottman interviewed couples around the time of the birth of their first child. For 67% of couples this stressful event was accompanied by a significant drop in marital satisfaction. But the other 33% did not see such a drop, and many felt their marriages had improved. The difference was the completeness of the couples’ love maps…”

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Breaking up a relationship requires a sound business model…

  Let’s get down to business.  You wanna break up? Fine, here is the skinny on breaking up.  First you need a sound business plan.  Yes, a business partnership is similar to a loving relationship.  Both parties involved in a partnership and a relationship must compromise and trust one another in order to succeed.  If that trust is broken or incompatibilities arise, then a dissolution of that partnership or relationship is required.  Viewing a relationship as a business may help you cope with the complexities of breaking up.  I am sure that you know in your heart that this break up must occur.  With this in mind, all you need is courage and a plan.

When creating your plan to break up with your partner in love, keep some simple and sound business partnership dissolution strategies in mind:

1) You must, on some level, love this person.  If that is the case letting this person down now instead of later is the right thing to do.  This person should know the truth about your feelings.  As in a business partnership, success comes from both parties doing their best for the sake of the business. If one of the partners is not doing their best, then that partner should quit and call it a day now before profits are lost.

2) Laying out the truth in a concise and practical manner makes the most business sense.  Remember in any business, partners have a lot invested and stand to lose as much as you do when the business falls apart.  An irrefutable practical plan will help all those involved move on. In love there are other complications of course, but deep down inside you know that a partnership requires at least two people.  If there is a third (infidelity) who stands to lose nothing, then the partnership should be dissolved.  If one of the partners want out, then it’s just business.

3) The slower the dissolution of a partnership the more expensive it becomes.  Businesses spend a lot of time and money to dissolve a partnership.  The simpler the plan and the more committed a party is to dissolving a business the cheaper it is for all.  Be compassionate and fair.  If you want out, let your partner take what is fare.  Focus on the big picture.  Don’t sweat the small stuff.

4) Loving relationships have the same advantage as a successful business partnership - two partners each have a business.  In other words, rather than breaking up one business, split it into two profitable and healthy ventures.  If a partnership needs to end, then why not start two smaller businesses rather than break up one large one.  In love matters, this is also true.  Both people will continue on as productive and attractive people.  You are not destroying one great person.  You are breaking up a partnership where each party contributed their attributes to make the partnership successful.  After the break up, two partners can continue doing what they do best.  There is no destiny in business, nor should their be in a relationship. Both parties are capable of creating their own future.

5) Stick to your plan.  There is no need to compromise in a situation that is practical.  If you no longer, nor will you ever, contribute to the partnership, then what is the point of continuing to call it a partnership.  Make it a clean break.  The most respected people on earth are both honest and courageous.  Throw yourself at the mercy of the court and envision yourself on the other side of this whole traumatic event. 

6) Why burn any bridges.  In business the opportunity to team up again is always a possibility.  There is no need for sabotage or fleecing.  Having integrity will help you form better partnerships in the future. Love and business require compromise and trust.  If that does not exist at the moment, then you have to assume it may in the future.  Treat your partner with respect and move on.  Sometime down the line you will be rewarded for your great behavior now.  This is a universal truth in business and in love…

Boy, the bloom has really gone off the rose in this relationship, hasn’t it? Playing devil’s advocate, though, I have some tough questions for you:

* How well did you know this person before you made her your 50 percent partner?
* Who made her president of your company?
* Who allowed her to put the business address, bank books, etc. in her name?
* When her poor communication skills cost your LLC business and customers, what did you say to her?

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Breaking up? Make it simple!

Ok, ok, we talked about how to heal if someone broke up with you.  Now it’s time to talk about breaking up with someone in a compassionate and honest way.  It’s not going to be easy, obviously, but it can be quick and straightforward.  There is no pain greater than being trapped, especially when freedom looms at close range.  To free yourself and your partner it is necessary to break up NOW, so that you can move forward. 

Ironically, the person you are breaking up with will also move forward.  It may not seem like it at the moment, but any breakup leads to a new beginning for both of you.  Think about what they need to hear to feel better about the situation, but for god’s sake be honest.  Honesty will set you free in ways you cannot imagine.  Think a year from now when you are breaking up.  Don’t think about the moment.  That is the best advice we can give you.  The article below will explain everything.  Again, if breaking up is what you will eventually do, then do it now.  Don’t give anyone the impression that you will stay when you know you won’t.  Many people try to sabotage relationships to avoid confrontation. That is the worst thing you can do. Getting someone to break up with you just cuz you can’t face the inevitable will haunt you for the rest of your days.

One last thing, the article claims you can break up without conflict.  Please, that is almost impossible.  The odds of their being peace after an honest breakup are the same as winning the lotto - TWICE!  Prepare yourself for conflict and hang on for your life.  It is worth it in the end.  Freedom is important and so is living where you want to live.  Be compassionate and think about the future…

“If you’re ready to end a relationship, consider how you can break up without conflict…”

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Dump somebody lately? Don’t feel guilty…

Look there are always two sides to every break up story.  All we know is that you should tell your partner the truth.  Especially if that truth involves breaking up.  Why prolong it?  If you feel guilty, it’s natural. Think of their future and for goodness sakes, read this article…

“Today there are plenty of things that can distract from the relationship with our spouse or the one we love and unfortunately not always are they the same person. Most people enter a relationship with the greatest of intentions and then life comes in and beats the living hell out of both of them. Is that fair?”

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