Breaking Up with Your Job, or Just On a Break?

Your belly’s getting bigger and bigger at work as your due date approaches. And you’re still plugging away at your job, wanting to give everything you can before you are forced to leave to officially become a first-time mother. From that day on, you know your focus will always be divided between the paid job and the unpaid job of being a mom.

As with a real relationship that feels like it’s coming to an end, you go into denial and refuse to think through the idea of actually leaving your job for good. People ask, “So what’s your plan? Are you coming back to work after you have the baby?” You answer, “I’m not sure. I think so. We’ll see how it goes.” You keep your options open (after all, in today’s economy who can afford to even take the day off to go into labor?). But when that day comes, you and your job go “on a break” (as Ross and Rachel used to call it). It’s not a REAL breakup, right? You’re just not exactly together.

But after two months of being completely consumed in the exhausting yet amazing stupor of motherhood, thoughts of the “ex” (job, that is) start creeping into your head and make you question your future. As awesome and mind-blowing it is to bring a little human being into the world, there’s a certain part of you and your identity that is lost when you’ve said goodbye to your job. Eventually, you realize that you’re really not going back, at least not for a long time, because your baby is now the center of your universe and the top priority on your to-do list. This may or may not coincide with the point at which your former bosses realize they can’t wait for you forever. And they were paying you too much anyway.

It’s an odd feeling, the same one you get when people ask about an ex-boyfriend, not knowing that you recently broke up. They ask, “How’s work?” You feel awkward, maybe a little embarrassed. The good news is, eventually you get over it. You move on. And I have. In fact, I’m not only pursuing a new job but a new career. And there’s a good chance that it may be the one for me.

I broke up with a friend

From Our Reader:

Hi,

This is in regards to friendship break ups. I had a friend a really good friend of about 14 years and we have broken up.

I am a female and he is male. he was like a brother even godfather to my daughter. very close friend to my entire family.

he began to like a girl whom was so clearly using him. I never said anything unless he would ask for my opinion. I thought it best for me not to be involved and that he is smart enough to see it, eventually. One day he calls me bawling, i thought his mother had passed but this girl had posted that she was in a relationship on one of those social sites. hearing his pain I contacted the girl and said why would you play with a fragile heart like his. she told him I contacted her, he was so hurt and angry that to this day he has yet to talk to me again. this was in January of this year.

How can one deal/cope with a friendship breakup? please advise.

BUS Responds:

Please Feel Free to write us any time.  We will do our best to respond: CONTACT US

We truly appreciate your question, because it is essentially what our site is all about: dealing and coping with a breakup. While your situation appears complex and we are not certain that this breakup has to be permanent, salvaging the relationship would require a great deal from you.

Your friend suffered a significant loss, even if – considering what you think of her – you believed it was what was best for him. Your response to his situation could be considered insensitive and selfish, as it appeared to put your needs before his. How, you ask? Calling this woman was, without a doubt, the absolute worst thing you could have done to your friend, as it demonstrated your belief that he needed someone to protect him (thus, behaving more like a parent than a friend), Despite your conviction about the health of the relationship, your call to this woman essentially eliminated any chance for its success, as he was now seen as a hapless and undesirable eunuch by this woman (at least in his mind – that’s just how men think).

If you wanted to speak with your ex-friend again it should start with an apology for the call – not because the woman didn’t have it coming, but because you had no business inserting yourself in this manner. Friends – especially truly close friends – are supportive even in disagreement; they are not supportive with the stipulation that you “need to be able to give her a piece of my mind”, so to speak. This cuts to the core of what might really be going wrong in this friendship: that call was not for your friend but for you, and it reflects a heirarchy in your friendship, one that is unhealthy. So, let him know it was wrong, and that you would never again be so arrogant as to think something like that would be appropriate in the future.

That said, how do you cope? At BUS.com we believe the best way to cope is self-reflection and self-renewal, so that you are not doomed to repeat past mistakes. Therefore, we suggest you reflect on what made you a good friend to this person in the first place? What sustained the friendship? It sounds like he was a bit of a third wheel and when he finally started to get a life for himself you started to see problems; is that possible? Regardless, the goal is to determine what it is that you can do to be a better friend. This is a more self-satisfying thing then you might think. The key to friendship (and life for that matter) is giving to others; it is just much more fulfilling than taking. Please think about your existing friendships and make every attempt to be the giver and not the taker, and this will undoubtedly put you on the road to recovery from the current breakup; it may even help you to reconnect with your ex-friend.

Third Eye Blind – How’s it gonna be – Third Eye Blind (Acoustic Cover)

Not a bad cover.  Find a better Break Up song and we will post it.  At this point it seems you all love this one!

Third Eye Blind Live (Best Song – How’s It Gonna Be)

There is no better break up song out there!  If you find one, let us know.  Here’s Third Eye Blind again with their best Break Up Song:

Funny Break It Off Service

Here’s another video we found on Youtube.  It’s funny, but you have to stick with it the entire time.  Good luck, remember, laughing will make you feel better:

Funny Break Up Service User Video

Her’s a little commercial that’s really funny.  We are not being cruel, we know from experience that laughing heals a broken heart faster than anything:

Breakup Song of the Month

We are always looking for the best songs for Breakups, if you have one, please let us know:

hesh@breakupservice.com

Best Breakup Song Ever

Third Eye Blind (the band) had a huge hit with this song. I love the lyrics. You will not find a more appropriate song for breaking up. Crying is essential while healing during a breakup. Do yourself a favor and listen to this song. It’s cathartic on every level.

Break Up Service Adidas Commercial

Find more videos like this on AdGabber

Go to Credits

“At first glance, this new spot from adidas via TBWA/London may seem like an amusing gag: a man named Aki provides a unique service to the people of Tokyo (called “Break-Up Service”), breaking up with their romantic partners so they don’t have to. The spot is great, but the real kick is that there IS a site called BreakUpService that’s been around for several years. Originally a service that did just what Aki does – navigate the treacherous waters of ending relationships – the site now serves as a blog and community for those dealing with romantic disentanglements…”

Read More From RagingArtists.com

Bromance vs. Brolessness

by Rick Sloane

Not every dude is for you. I’m speaking to guys here. Straight guys (gay guys don’t need bromance; they have something we rarely earn: the trust and confidence of women).

Blame Seth Rogen, Judd Apatow, and Paul Rudd if you must. But these days, male bonding is in, and in a big way. Men young and old feel compelled to be involved in a bromance. It reminds me of high school, when you just had to be crazy about some chick; if you weren’t pining over her, if you weren’t aching when she dumped your ass, you weren’t alive. Trouble is, there are only a few great loves in your life, and there are even fewer great bromances.

You may be in a faux bromance right now. Chances are, you know it, but it sucks to admit it. It’s bad enough to say you’re in a bad dating relationship with a woman; how lame do you feel being BFF’s with some dude, when you know it’s not going to last?? At the same time, who wants to go bro-less?

I’ve been in a committed bromance for several years now. I wasn’t looking for it. In fact, while I had some good friends who’d helped me through some rough times, I had pretty much resigned myself to being alone. This is not to say I wasn’t dating, or not in love; but there are degrees of alone-ness, and there is something I call brolessness, and it is more common that one might think. Thus, it’s understandable that guys might want that buddy – or buddies – to make it all better. By the way, bromances can involve more than two people; unlike sex, threesomes really don’t make life more complicated, and in fact they take some of the pressure off each bro. But it’s gotta be real.

So, how do you know if a bromance is the real thing? You can start by answering a few simple multiple choice questions:  

1. Assuming you don’t smoke, when your one night stand leaves in the morning, what is the first thing you do?

a. Look in the mirror and wonder what happened

b. Turn on the coffeemaker, and contemplate whether or not to tell your best bud about the experience

c. Turn to your bro – obviously, he’s there, either alone or with his own one-night stand – and ask him to put the coffee on

2. Your wife or girlffriend has just bitched you out for being gone all day – and all night. Was it worth it? If so, why?

a. No. All you did was hang with your buddies, your head is killing you and now you have to start worrying about divorces and breakups (thank G-d for www.breakupservice.com)

b. Maybe. You met a hot chick and got her number – and the bitching makes you feel less guilty.

c. Yes! You were with your bro. And you’re wife/girlfriend needs to realize that your loyalty is one of the things she loves most about you. 

3. You are expected at an important business meeting. Your bro just called and has nothing to do. Do you ask him to join you at the meeting, even though his business interests have nothing to do with yours?

a. No. You have to balance business and pleasure.

b, Maybe. You don’t want to hurt your bro’s feelings, and your client will likely not mind meeting someone new.

c. Yes! This is your bro! He is at least as smart and engaging as you are, and in all likelihood he will save you from disaster. There is also a chance that you may discover a means of working with your best friend… what could be better than that! Combine business and pleasure – create bueasure! 

If you answered “c” to these questions, you are in a solid bromance. Sadly, too few of you actually answered “c”. I know, because just a couple of years ago, I’d have answered “b”, or worse, “a”.

The point is, desperate though you may be for a real bromance, you can’t force it. And if you are in a bad or synthetic relationship, you need to end it. This may be hard. The very fact that you think you are in a bromance suggests a desire for it to be true. Your partner in this misadventure is likewise committed at least to the idea of bromance. Hence, feelings are involved. Neither of you wants to end it, because neither of you wants to be bro-less.  

The only choice, however, is to end it. And end it fast. Here’s why. While you carry on this ill-fated and ill-advised partnership, some great guy is out there waiting for you. He may likewise be in a broken bromance. He’s talking to someone and emailing and texting all day simply because he feels obligated. He’s going to movies he’s not interested in, feeling awkward and left out, and he’s private ryan-ing for some other dude, falling on the ugly grenade, when he should be wingmanning it for you.  

You may fear brolessness, but the good news is that you’re never too old to find your bro. Childhood friends may be bros, and some of those friendships may endure, and in that rare case the kid you hung around with in 2nd grade is the guy for you. But you can find your bro at 40, too. And fertility is never an issue.

  

The other good news is that, unlike a romantic breakup, the bromantic breakup enjoys the benefits of same-sex understanding. You’re both guys. You get it. Even in a bad bromance, you likely understand the male psyche well enough to know it’s nothing personal. You both want what’s best for your friend, even if he isn’t the one. And the absence of a sexual component means you can still be friends. You’re just not bros.  

Before I conclude this article, I want to clear something up. More than once recently someone has thrown the term man-crush around in the context of bromance and it’s just plain wrong. A man-crush is more like unrequited love; you wanna get bromantic with a dude because he’s the kind of dude you want to be. There’s nothing wrong with a man-crush, as long as you’re aspiring to a worthy ideal. But don’t let it distract you. Man-crushes are fleeting, and will never develop into healthy bromance. Anyway, there’s no need to force it. When you meet the right bro, you won’t have to second-guess yourself. You’ll just know.

About the author: Rick Sloane is a videogame developer living alone in San Francisco     

Next Page »