Break up or stay together? The answer is, yes…

Most breakups occur once they are initiated whether couples want to stay together or not.  The trick is to know your situation despite what you intend to do.  This break up momentum is mostly due to a loss of trust.  That loss is difficult to overcome, but not impossible.  How do you know if you can overcome such a loss?  Well, the answer is a bit complex.  First you have to know whether or not you love your partner enough.  Then you have to asses whether your partner loves you enough.  That is the hard part of course, since it requires trust to believe someone in the first place. 

That trust complexity is not the only stumbling block.  You must also, learn to appreciate your partner in ways you never did before.  To do all this you have to start at the beginning, when you didn’t know a thing about your partner.  This will help re-map the brain’s memory of love.  The love map is important because it defines how much you love a person.  I know, this is not an exact science and you must practice a lot before getting all this mapping stuff down.  Nevertheless, if your relationship is worth anything you should look into the love map.  If you are breaking up for sure, then read on because the love map can help you in other ways. Salvaging the relationship is not the only reason to look at your love map.  You may both discover that there is no interest in saving your relationship, saving both of you the heart ache and guilt of being the “bad guy”.

The article below provides straightforward tools that will help you discover how the love for your partner is mapped.  These tools will also help you decipher whether or not you know your partner well enough to determine if a break up is inevitable.  That, by the way, is the key to any break up.  Most of us are not entirely sure we know someone.  Our instincts are always more keen than our intellect in these matters.  If your instinct tells you that there are aspects of your partner that you do not know, then for Pete’s sake find out what they are.

We often advise people to initate inevitable break ups as soon as possible to circumvent abusive treatment.  People become abusive because they lost trust or because they feel guilty. The thing people may not understand is that this abuse is heightened by one’s inability to determine whether a break up is necessary.  One gets anxious and starts to sabotage the relationship so that is seems out of control.  People at this point hope that destiny takes over and that decisions are made by amount of pain one can take.  All this abuse is unnecessary if one accesses the brain’s map to see how much love is there.  Only at that point can you determine what to do. 

Remember there are two choices.  The first is leaving.  If you know that there is too much to overcome in terms of your love map, then leave.  If you know that you can enhance your love map to better appreciate your partner, then consider staying.  Always keep in mind that you need to find out if your partner is willing to perform love map exercises with you.  Without your partner’s cooperation all this is pointless.  The article bellow explains the love map theory.

What BreakUpService has to say:

know your partner well.  This takes time and energy.  If you are in a break up situation, then go all out.  What do you have to lose after all?  Argue, plead, talk, cry or laugh, do whatever it takes to know everything about your partner first.  If your partner engages and does likewise, then both of you will know whether you belong together or not.  If your mind is made up and you want to break up, then perform this exercise anyway.  Help your partner get over the fact that you want to break up, by showing him/her what you’re all about.  This practice will help you with your future relationships, since all successful romances require full disclosure.  Why not practice on a relationship in which you have little to lose.  It will help you and your partner despite the outcome…

“…in one study Gottman interviewed couples around the time of the birth of their first child. For 67% of couples this stressful event was accompanied by a significant drop in marital satisfaction. But the other 33% did not see such a drop, and many felt their marriages had improved. The difference was the completeness of the couples’ love maps…”

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